a symphony of suzie bombshell's galore

the lao tzu quote stuck with me really hard

yo, if yr readin dis, that means yr supporting me through patreon

im really greatful for it ~ especially the peeps who stick around.

Support has helped me grow as an artist immensely.. its one of the most important things to me to cultivate and develop artistically.

I've known since I was really little, I've felt strong purpose to make art.

I read recently diaries I wrote in the Sea Org.. where I said to myself I had to go out into the world and write stories.

Like a true believer, I said things like, 'the stable datum is you are an artist'

thats what I looked forward to when I was able to escape.

Not so easy though.

I believe it's important to share and to give to the world. No matter how insignificant it might appear.

I'm kinda middling around now with my words because I'm trying to beat around the bush in straightly saying thank you!

The people who believe in me mean alot to me, even if I don't know who you are at all.

It's the people who believe in you that are really important I think... and you don't get to pick them. they pick you.

I guess because I spent most of my life thinking nobody believed in me I was cursed with the endless doubt, still in a way, continue to battle with it.

now for some dev talk / artist practice thoughts

The lao tzu quote stuck with me really hard.

so much so that I found myself thinking about it when painting, or when 3d, or when wrapping up precious theatre..

even when I'm away from the canvas.. when I'm at the tea.

I think its something Ive had to meditate on really deeply..

There were so many moments where I found myself trying to skip head to the finish line.

To cut corners, or take shortcuts... and i'm trembling or slightly shaking.

It might be partly due to my reading a heavy dosage of Umineko.. I like to have the B on auto ya dig?

I don't want to rush. More and more I'm realizing good things take time.

Ive said it before to myself but learning it for writing and building large scale works took some learning

its indulgence and size is a huge apart of the appeal to me...

I don't know how long a;n will take.

Art is the only meds I take for my condition...

It felt very relevant for me to stop and try to slow down...

Because the type of artist like me is racing and creating things in a panicked frenzy..

A:N is really deep for me..

I nearly finished the script for what was planned to be ep3...

So much has changed in my life, in my heart, and in the A:N universe in my head..

So much of that world I hid because I planned to reveal things in later episodes.. that's going to change..🦉:no more pussyfooting, I'm throwin in the gauntlet

The more I worked on the script and did the rewrite game, I started to make discoveries about writing and what is dope vs what is whack

in my case, I realized one of the biggest priorities for A:N is to talk about my childhood.

I guess, the clearest thing I can say about A:N is my vision for what I believe it has to be has been evolving ~ refining ~ crystallizing very slowly and has been since I was a teen.

the current version I'm working with has no choices, and no maps. its one kinetic novel that's more strictly about story... and less on visualization (in terms of filmic ideation)

this quote is another heavy lao tzu type beat for me..

there isn't some pic I could find online so I made one for this quote.

its something that I engage with daily like bread butter...

Aside from the script... I can't let music and blender get rusty

I wanted to come up with a more distinct overall visual style for a;n.

My motive was primarily inspired by sayooshi's use of vermillion... where it's almost completely monochromatic.

im calling it the root color atm... I already have a very deep connection with PB60 indanthrone blue so I started with that.

For me, deep dark blues have always been connected to my memories in the Sea Org.

these are the first tests.

In blender, you can set the world color and bake the lighting in.

I'm trying blenders world color to make everything indanthrone blue toned...

in the case of the house, the blue is baked in, then the world light is taken out so the sky is pitch black.

I took some hex codes from internet for colors I like to work with.

The 'nu' is an indanthrone I mixed myself by eye.

taking these colors I made a few test sprites.

Taking this root color idea a little further... I experimented making the NVL window also a tone of blue.

so that when it comes into the picture, it darkens the image a little and adds little more blue.

also very subtle, I added the red stitching..

I'm lifting the red stitching + blue from a painting I made in 2018

goodbye pic is this veronica