blog title

nonsense,nonselse, all is nonself

at the computer again, working on script 3...although it sounds like the typical workless working type thing to do.

thats the feeling... all talk no walk. i realized the last time I sat and continued to spit random thoughts all day...eventually i ran out of junk and found myself suddenly writing large portions of script text

im not speaking to anybody so this must be a true diary in that sense, i said awful things in my mp

icant help the performance art inside of me seeing everything as 'content'

everything as art if im at all invovled somehow art is too

viva's diary is the collection of her forum posts

🍓 is working on a cg right now for special girls

im thinking alot about vn, probably too hard, im thinking about eliminating choices from the main story... only having choices in the beginning of the ideal org but, still somehow abstracting it all

im thinking about departing from alot of things to make my life as a storyteller easier,,, i dont need choices to make the story insterest, one vn dev promo their tweet saying there were 50 unique endings

the selling point was just how many endings there are,,, i dont think im interested in doing that right now... because im start to realize i just am wanting to tell the one story...

and im also thinking alot about 800x600 again because if I do that, i can merge and easily tightenup the whole series for a final release one game one package...

and call it a day basically... for a;n season 1...complete package... and hopefully that will make me some extra money! im not doing it for money, but im broke and struggling to survive constantly

i dont want to romantic or glamorize the indie dev life thats founded on pricipals such as sacrafice

emotionally blinded with spiritual manias

if I didn't have the lifeline i would be a homeless transwoman

often i wondered if I was in that serious of a situation, would i keep making art

i saw a homeless person just down the street from the fern st apartment doodling in a sketchbook

ofc i wouldn't give up, i would continue planning VNs

i would probably turn completely over to writing...

visability is key for sales i think

but it doesnt appear that way, it appears that having gay furry art is apart of the success

im not sure who to model myself after in terms of business...

im creating my own model... so i dont have to ever feel like im sacraficing myself / my truth

some truths about me tho I dont care if they have water in the garden or not, a;n however gets all the water I can give

and recently. precious theatre been getting somewater too but im not the only mother

in terms of who im a singular parent to: a;N gets all the water

my noisy mps get morning piss, in a way, so does this companion writing diary, because im only using it to keep me writing when im not writing the good shit

3d just helps solve problems no matter what they are, and atl...blender specifically i should say.

i have to burn this cd and send this psalmus packages out but im lazy and dislike it, i hate dealing with this sort of stuff, but im also just really broke

its hard to admit, that a large part of the dev time workign on ep3 was working on scenes and renpy games that would never be released officially

and i feel bad ig, because i wish i was working more dilligently or clearly on ep3

ig the reality is it wasnt that clear what ep3 was meant to be, so i got carried away chasing after filmic ideas and chasing after high resolutions

i thought that was teh answer was really high res and wide screen and alot of animation like treating it properly like a movie

in doing so, i completely lost touch with something, i lost some soul feeling for myself

thats why i abandoned what I was trying to do, and turned over completely to writing text only, to force myself to really find out what story im trying to tell

i think that saved me, and i think i had to push things in the wrong direction, many wrong directions, to really understand how right i feel about the direction im going in

i really appreciate low resolution now because I explored higer resolutions

i really appreciate just plain text driven experiences after filling a scene with a bunch of animating

something felt off when i approached animation

i think the feeling was... i lost touch with writing...

and i have to always ask myself how can i make things easier for myself as an indie dev

because its just impossible to solo,,, or it would take an unbearable amount of time doing so... to make ep3 in the filmic way, i realized, it would take me many years, 5 at least. 10 if I was really dilligent or something.

I learned alot going down the wrong pathways, im back at 800x600 resolution, even tho im drawn to the lower res due to it being native to dreamcast, if I do 800x600, it will make merging ep1/2 and 3 all into one game for a big remaster etc.

the res wont change, but ill forsure clean the writing up, clean the story up, clean the code up, clean everything up and make it much more tighter finished product... might have to reshoot a couple things, update twigs house with new cg etc, i can't redo the ep2 scenes prob, those animations will have to stay, but i can do alot of clean up generally speaking to make thigns better

i made the ringz atl for 800x700 res renpy game

now im stuck trying to see what I should do next... Im kinda at loss for words, i got news that my grandpa last friday had a heart attack and is in hospital, showing no good signs of coming back, he's likely to be dead or not survive.

but we have to wait and see...

emamouse offered to send money, and im seriously considering it i dont feel comfortable asking family for money at all right now.when family members die theres a really weird tension... its not safe for me.

im getting that feeling again, where I want to distance myself from the family as much as i can, and one way I can do that is never have to ask them for money...

this is my new goodnight ritual, i ate the edible so im kinda ready to passout

i am very inspired. the script is over 50k words now. i worked on renpy stuff alot today. in 800x600 resolution too, i have a sketch mock game that just has some elements one after the other...the ringz and magnifying glass have been added to ep3.

i feel like safe to say this is really the final renpy game im making for ep3, its stupid to admit, i went all around town to end up back where I started...

i could save time if I just stuck with it. but i had to learn lessons Ig, victim to my fantasies taking me around all the time

i can hear 🍓 drawing in the background. she can def hear my loud ass keyboard